One opportunity for you to end a personal conflict

How to turn friends into enemies

Sindhu and Puja were both self-motivated, bright marketing people handling two different sets of customers in a large bank. They respected each other’s work and enjoyed a mildly friendly relationship. Their conflict started when they both presented very different ideas to their boss and given the limited resources, one’s idea was given the money. That may have been all right but others in the team started to play it out as ‘victory’ for one. Suddenly there was a tussle that developed for shared resources like research as well and soon Sindhu and Puja turned adversarial.

Pluto Ghosh and Rusty Verma

The Ghoshs and the Vermas had a troubled year as neighbours. It started with the smell of fried fish from one’s kitchen wafting into the vegetarian existence of the other. This was quickly followed by the reverie of one being broken by the bhajans playing at 5:30 a.m. from the other’s house every Tuesday. They had stopped talking to each other and cast baleful looks whenever on family member met another in the elevator. Including Pluto Ghosh and Rusty Verma, the canine members of the two families. 

When you put a group of people together for a length of time they will make friends, agree on things and disagree as well. All these are natural. Disagreements and conflicts are therefore built into the fabric of human, in fact animal, existence. Conflict is neither good nor bad, just a fact of life and often necessary.

It is about how we resolve those conflicts that creates a stronger unit – family, neighborhood, company, country, and the world.

The Role of Festivals in Conflict Resolution

The wise ones who created the norms for society realized the need for a space and time that would allow people to let go of the old enmity and give resolution a chance.

People greet and ceremoniously hug each other in various cultures to signal warmth, allowing the other into their space and a willingness to accept the other. There is often an exchange of sweets and gifts as well.

A festival gives warring parties the license to meet the adversary as a person and not the enemy because the norms dictate it and make it ok. It allows for a start. Once the initial barrier is crossed, it often becomes easier to set up the next level conversations to discuss and address the problem.

There may be a lesson here for organisations as well – to create a narrative about a space that allows people to meet greet, discuss and resolve.

So this Diwali, what have you decided to do? Who are you going to hug and melt your differences away with? With whom are you going to let go of the enmity and hatred? It is a time to do all of that and brighten up your life. Step up, embrace, share a box of sweets or just a warm smile.

May the light shine on you and your loved ones. Happy Diwali!

Picture sources – rediff.com, hindustantimes.com and others from the Internet