Mustering the Courage to Jump into a Second Career – Mastering the Second Innings – Part 4

The little boy was all nervous and excited; he was going to learn to swim! He was holding his mother’s hand and standing at the edge of the pond waiting for the older boys. They had promised his mother that they would keep him safe and teach him. One of them beckoned him into the water and holding his hand gently pulled him in deeper. The boy kept feeling for the bottom until it slowly disappeared. Then suddenly he let go of him and told him to splash. The boy splashed about and sank. He surfaced and screamed for them to hold him up. They just laughed and told him to swim. He kept going under and coming up and suddenly he saw a snake, its head up, wriggling grotesquely through the water. He screamed and went under once again. One of the older boys picked him up and swam back to the shore. That little boy did not enter water again and did not learn swimming.

Thirty-five years later, a middle-aged man sat on a raft at the beginning of the ride, a co-facilitator for a team building exercise. The principal facilitator, who had seen him shy away from water before, looked at him as he asked everyone to dive into the water to get used to it. He knew he had to jump in. He also knew he would never make it as a facilitator if he did not. He jumped.  The life jacket brought him up and he felt a release from the fear that had sat in him for years.

One question that gets repeatedly asked is ‘How do I really muster the courage to make that leap?’Here are a few things that may help once you are sure that the present is not really where you want to be:

Build up your Courage Muscles

When the outcome and challenges are unknown and there is a real danger of losing a livelihood, fear is natural.  For many of us, courage is a muscle we have to work at developing. When I spoke to successful second innings players I gathered a few things about this exercise regime.

1. Conquer some other fear

Overcoming the fear of water had helped me bulk up my courage muscles. When I returned home, I started on my second career. Try something, bungee jumping, skydiving, and forest walk – anything that you are afraid of.

2. Go for small victories

This is a story shared by one of the respondents. At a time when she was transiting from one career to another, she decided to go for the Vaishnodevi pilgrimage.  She was not the fit daily gym person, in fact an overweight,  heavy smoking odd-hour keeping journalist,.  She did the 14-km steep stretch up and down in one night. Whenever she faltered she dedicated one step each to a member of the family and her close friends, guilt making her include all her loved ones.  Suddenly she was at the top. That huge sense of achievement was the beginning of her belief that if she set her mind to it, she could achieve anything.

A number of respondent in my research echoed this, saying that they broke the big changes needed into small steps. The more ground they covered, the more confident they felt.  Another example often shared was about changing one’s lifestyle, bringing down expenses and not caring whether you can serve the finest malts any more. Difficult, but as one respondent shared, it made him believe that he could do seemingly difficult things.

The most important thing to remember is that fears get addressed as you begin to do things not if you keep sitting and thinking about them.

3. This is it

A few really successful Second Innings players were those who had literally no option left. With their backs to the wall they had to either sink or swim. So they chose to swim in the direction they wanted to.  The cliché that ‘as one window closes, many others open up’, is something that all Second Innings players say they have experienced.

What are you afraid of

Identifying the causes of your fear can help you deal with some of them.

Some of our fears are not about the challenge of the new career but about what moving out says about us to peers, friends, family. It’s the fear of breaking stereotypes. What if you fail?

There are different things that have helped different people.

1. Sounding Board

Talking it through with someone you trust who can be non judgmental. It helps realise why you want to do it and that others opinions don’t matter.

2. Visualisation

Imagine yourself being successful in whatever you want to do. This visualization technique helps to reaffirm your faith that you are going to be in a better place than where you were.

3. New Patterns

It’s all about changing the patterns. If you think that the second innings has to follow the same pattern as your first – for example a 9-5 schedule or going for a drink to the club only when everyone else comes off work or carrying on with the same conversations that don’t help you grow — then you may as well have not made the switch. You made the switch because you wanted something different. Look around you and you will find that people look at you differently, most often with awe. Let that become your strength. That you had the courage.

Create a circle of faith

The desire for change and the fears around it both emanate from the person.

I have seen people deciding not to make the change because of the naysayers from their inner circle. One of the commonalities amongst successful Second Innings players was the support and confidence they enjoyed from their environment and significant others.  Therefore, gravitate towards where you get positive reinforcement.  Think about it, if you’re jumping for the first time from a plane, what would you like to hear – ‘go ahead, you can do it’ or ‘you know 30 people did not make it!’

Reduce the Pressure 

Planning helps when we are dealing with large personal change. It is like a small torch in a pitch-dark forest – lights up the path ahead, for a few steps. Caveat – don’t over plan, go with the flow. That way you are prepared for the surprises that crop up. Most of the people who succeeded had these views to offer:

1. Back up Funds

It helps if you have the funds to sustain yourself for a length of time – anywhere between 6 months to 18 months.

2. Extend Sustainability

Discover the pleasures and challenges of the cliché simple living and high thinking. Turn it to your advantage. Do things no one in your immediate circle has done before. Like going in search of the Bastar tribals or hunting out unknown street food options or whatever strikes your fancy. The curiosity you generate is a great morale booster.  It’s a win-win – you get to do really cool things and by reducing the expenses you reduce the pressure on yourself!

3. Expectation Management

Dream of success but keep your expectations low. Rather, move towards your expectations – sounds esoteric but it’s actually creating new parameters for yourself where you discover, rather than assume, what your expectations could be. And you want to progress on that path and slowly increase the quotient.

4. Continuous Learning

Have a learning plan – how are you going to learn new skills required rapidly and continuously.  How will you create the new circle for learning and intellectual companionship? Be open to meeting new people and having new conversations. Seek those out.

“You’re standing at the ledge. This is happening.
The crew member is holding your harness at your back.  …..He tells you to look up at the camera and smile……You smile and try to look brave.  ……
He tells you he’s going to count down from three. You tell him you just want a second to take it all in.
Heart is pumping incessantly. You take a breath.
Never do you think of turning back. It’s not an option.  You stand there taking it all in.  You look down and get dizzy.
This is happening.
This is happening.
This is happening.
You look out to the distant mountain peak.  You bend your knees, arms out.
You jump.
You lose connection with everything that is solid, secure, and familiar.
You are fallinng…
You feel free.
All the anxiety, fear, nervousness, disappears in an instant.
……….You remember you are afraid of heights.  But somehow your fear is masked by this feeling of complete elation.   You look down.  You look up.  You look all around and yell out “WHOOOOOOO HOOOOOO!” –  Eric Sullano on his experience of bungee jumping.

 “Courage is simply the willingness to be afraid but act anyway” – Dr. Robert Anthony